Je pense, donc je suis.

Poems for English

2008-01-25T13:44:00.000-08:00

These are the poems I wrote for a project in English class.

Secrets
What secrets have you hidden in your soul
That you lock up and harbor deep within
These secret things make you a perfect whole
The life you've lived, each thought that has e'er been
You tightly grasp your secrets kept untold
Your heart a door and trust the misplaced key
Unlock the door, I swear I'll dearly hold
All the things that others cannot see

Extra Small
Ninety pounds, watches the scale go down
Still not content, intent on losing more
She's losing this internal war
She sees obesity in her size four

Ugly scars on her self esteem
Teenage girls can be so mean
She's throwing up in bathroom stalls
And trying on the extra smalls

The hurt is so deep; her efforts a waste
She feels no pretter just farther away
From the girl she used to be; can't even see her face
Through protruding cheekbones. She can't find her place
What is this addiction that she constantly craves?
Breaks her mirror. Her body's wasting away

The Game of Love
Do you realize that my love you stole
You give your smile unto another's eyes
I should not cry o'er what I can't control
But he who fails is always one who tries

Your love for me was only just a fraud
A game played to amuse your searching heart
But at this game your skill I must applaud
I trusted you right from the very start

And even though my broken heart beats frail
It still denies your humble sheeps disguise
For what we had seemed like a fairytale
Sure truth is beautiful but so are lies

I hope my heart did yours so entertain
That one day you'll return to play again

Incomprehensible
Who am I that you in all your power
Would hold my hand and guide me through each day
Would want so much to be my closest friend
That you would choose to give your life away

Where am I that in the universe
Your ever watching eye could see me here
You'd rather watch decisions that I make
Than planets twirling in the atmosphere

What am I that you would choose to make
Something whose heart changes on a whim
Birds and beasts trust you more than I
Yet you have said you love me more than them

Why am I that you would place me here
In this body with this life to live
A small amount of time is all I have
So unto you my life I freely give

Come As You Are

2007-06-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

Has anyone but me noticed that the church is one of the most judgemental places you can go?
Has anyone noticed that instead of welcoming a late person to church, they are shunned?
Has anyone noticed that instead of accepting people no matter if their hair is green or if they're in a tee shirt and jeans, they're looked down upon because they're not "dressed right"?
Has anyone noticed that churches in general focus on everything but saving and nurturing our members?

We focus on numbers, on dress, on money, on status. Not just social status, but status and rank in the church is very very important to us. How many mission trips you've been on, how many "unknown" chores you do around the church. We even focus on how many people we can save, but don't focus on their hearts to 1) make sure they're really saved and 2) make sure they are nurtured after salvation.

Does anyone realize, the church is the EXACT OPPOSITE of EVERYTHING Jesus wanted it to be. Now, don't get me wrong, there are really amazing God-filled churches out there. But sadly, they are very rare.

My mother and I were talking about this the other day, and she said, "Church should be like an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting. If someone walks in late, they're welcomed warmly, because everyone knows they might not have come."

Jesus said come as you are. And to be the body of Christ, we are to accept people as they are. And further more ENCOURAGE people to be as they are.

Jesus can use people in jeans and tees to reach other people in jeans and tees. Jesus can used green haired people to reach purple haired people. God can use dressed up people to reach people who like to dress up.

Come as you are.

I came to church a few Sundays ago with pink and purple hair, and the comment "Laine needs help" was left on the prayer list. If we are all cloned people 1) our "body" won't work and 2) can you imagine anything more condesending and uninviting to a newcomer to see that the whole church is one huge clique?

We need to get away from our comfort zones of "everyone should be like me" and adventure into the world of Jesus. Invite people to come as they are. Maybe then, our churches would actually be, well, churches.

Destiny

2007-04-05T17:25:00.000-07:00

My friend Destiny commited suicide last night. She made a loop in a belt and hung herself from her closet door. No one expected it. Not from her. I talked to Destiny everyday after school. Even yesterday we laughed and joked and I gave her a hug and said "See you tomorrow". Destiny ALWAYS had a smile on her face. She was opitimistic with a great sense of humor. Lively and bubbley. Her beautiful brown eyes were always gleaming with excitment. She had a presence about her that made you smile and laugh when you were around her. Alot of people, including me, loved her dearly.

However, some of my peers found (more like created) reasons to pick on her. She was probably one of the most talked-about girls at school. If she was ever mentioned in a conversation including people who didn't know her well, someone would always say "Destiny? You mean the whore one?". Destiny had never slept around. Kids who were bored with their own pathetic excuses for lives decided they needed someone to pick on for their entertainment. And Destiny became their target.

These rumors became so bad and so widespread that some of Destiny's friends began to believe them and deserted her. But she never seemed to mind. She never complained or talked bad about kids who bad-mouthed her. She was just...happy.

But after three years of these rumors, I'm sure it started to wear on her. I personally know how that feels. She was having family problems, the boy she liked had listened to the kids telling the rumors, and she was losing friends as the rumors got worse. She just couldn't handle it. I know one thing going through her mind last night was "When I do this, everyone will see what they did to me, and maybe they'll feel bad, and won't do it to anyone else."

If you had been a kid that picked on her, you would have felt bad. You would have felt guilty. And you would probably be hating yourself at the time. Any human would. I even feel a bit guilty because I never told her that I loved her or that she made my day a little bit happier. I thought it was implied; NEVER EVER EVER ASSUME THAT. But the kids at my school aren't human. They're animals. No one felt bad. Infact, people thought it was funny. FUNNY. You could walk down the halls and hear "Hahahahaha. She was a whore anyways." or "Hahaha. She probably had so many STD's that she knew she wasn't going to live anyways". One girl even had the nerve to come up to me and say "Well, she's in hell now." I said "Excuse me, who do you think you are?! God?!

If you didn't really know Destiny, it's understandable if you're not broken down into tears, but laughing at her? I'm not asking for sympathy for her, just a little respect for human life.

These kids helped take a life, and they think it's funny. Makes you sick doesn't it? If this is the next generation that will run our nation, we're not going to be here much longer.

Thou shalt make others covet you?

2007-03-17T21:01:00.000-07:00

Okay.
So, I was watching T.V. with my mom last night (it was House night :])
and a commercial came on that kind of hit me as interesting.

It was a car commercial (i don't remember what kind) but they had different women on there saying why they liked the car and blah blah blah.
Nothing special right?
Until one woman, with a big cheesy smile,that if someone in real life was wearing, we might ask her who did her facelift so we can know who to avoid, said "Oh my gosh. My friends are SO jealous!"

Hmm. God said "Thou shalt not covet" but he never said that we couldn't try to make others covet us...

But hold up.
"Oh my gosh. My friends are SO jealous!"
Why would we want to make our friends jealous?
Aren't they our friends?
Shouldn't we want the best for our friends and for them to be happy?
Hmm.

So if that's true, what makes that statement so appealing?
What would make us, as a society, hear that statement then rush to buy this car?

Because, as a society, we are completely and totally "me-centered".
Because everything we do has to benefit US, or make OUR lives easier, or make US feel better about OUR pathetic little selves.

Isn't it sad that most of us use our friends only to make ourselves feel better?
We see no point in the relationship if there is nothing in it for us.
We see no point in ANYTHING if there is nothing in it for us.

Think about it.
Let's say there are two cars.
Both are the same price.
Both run fine.
The first is a very attractive car, with a perfect,custom paint job, heated,leather seats, built in DVD player, and those fancy seats that flip up so you can put all your useless junk underneath. It's the newest and best in comfort and design.
The second is a used car that's not very pretty, a few years old, scratched paint, torn seats, kind of bumpy, not very much foot room, but nothing that would prevent it from working properly.
The commercial for car number one says "You'll make your friends jealous" "Everyone will want your car." "Everyone will be talking about 'Oh my gosh, did you see so-and-so's new car?'"
The commercial for our second car says "Hey, it's not very pretty, but it'll get you where you need to go, and if you buy it, 50% of proceeds go to help starving children in Africa."

Honestly, which car are you going to buy?

Okay, newsflash.
Despite what we're told by the media everyday,
we're not here to serve ourselves.
Sorry to break it to you.
We're here to serve God and I'm pretty sure He said something about "Whatever you do to the least of these, you do to me."
Our main purpose in life is not to make sure we've had a nice comfortable ride when we die,
it's to save as many souls as possible for Jesus Christ.
And, I'm sorry, but most of the time, that means putting them first.

Think about it.........