Destiny
My friend Destiny commited suicide last night. She made a loop in a belt and hung herself from her closet door. No one expected it. Not from her. I talked to Destiny everyday after school. Even yesterday we laughed and joked and I gave her a hug and said "See you tomorrow". Destiny ALWAYS had a smile on her face. She was opitimistic with a great sense of humor. Lively and bubbley. Her beautiful brown eyes were always gleaming with excitment. She had a presence about her that made you smile and laugh when you were around her. Alot of people, including me, loved her dearly.
However, some of my peers found (more like created) reasons to pick on her. She was probably one of the most talked-about girls at school. If she was ever mentioned in a conversation including people who didn't know her well, someone would always say "Destiny? You mean the whore one?". Destiny had never slept around. Kids who were bored with their own pathetic excuses for lives decided they needed someone to pick on for their entertainment. And Destiny became their target.
These rumors became so bad and so widespread that some of Destiny's friends began to believe them and deserted her. But she never seemed to mind. She never complained or talked bad about kids who bad-mouthed her. She was just...happy.
But after three years of these rumors, I'm sure it started to wear on her. I personally know how that feels. She was having family problems, the boy she liked had listened to the kids telling the rumors, and she was losing friends as the rumors got worse. She just couldn't handle it. I know one thing going through her mind last night was "When I do this, everyone will see what they did to me, and maybe they'll feel bad, and won't do it to anyone else."
If you had been a kid that picked on her, you would have felt bad. You would have felt guilty. And you would probably be hating yourself at the time. Any human would. I even feel a bit guilty because I never told her that I loved her or that she made my day a little bit happier. I thought it was implied; NEVER EVER EVER ASSUME THAT. But the kids at my school aren't human. They're animals. No one felt bad. Infact, people thought it was funny. FUNNY. You could walk down the halls and hear "Hahahahaha. She was a whore anyways." or "Hahaha. She probably had so many STD's that she knew she wasn't going to live anyways". One girl even had the nerve to come up to me and say "Well, she's in hell now." I said "Excuse me, who do you think you are?! God?!
If you didn't really know Destiny, it's understandable if you're not broken down into tears, but laughing at her? I'm not asking for sympathy for her, just a little respect for human life.
These kids helped take a life, and they think it's funny. Makes you sick doesn't it? If this is the next generation that will run our nation, we're not going to be here much longer.
posted by Laine @ 5:25 PM
6 Comments:
Laine, I'm so sorry you lost a friend. I have tears right now -- for you, for Destiny, and for her family. I personally know the pain of being left behind, the doubts of whether you did enough, etc. Please know that your talking to Destiny daily was a comfort to her. Your just being there, listening to her, giving her hugs, was very important to her.
Sometimes people are reallllly good at hiding what they are feeling, and it's hard to help someone if you don't know they are that depressed.
I wrote on your mom's blog something that I want to tell you (which I think you alreay figured out). Just because Destiny committed suicide doesn't guarantee her a trip to hell. She was depressed; her brain chemicals were out of whack. If someone's potassium is low in their body and they suffer a fatal heart attack, does that mean they are going to hell? NO! Well, it's the same thing if your brain chemicals are messed up. And the vicious rumors were awful. You know what, I'd like to know what gives people the right to gossip about such things - are their own lives so devoid of meaning that they have to invent awful things about another human being? It is a sad comment on society.
I am utterly appalled at kids' reaction to Destiny's suicide. Do you think they are saying those things to cover up their culpability, to make themselves feel better? Kind of like assuaging their own guilt?
My darling Chill Princess...I can't tell you that I understand what you are feeling...I have not experienced a close friend taking their life...But, I can tell you that your emotions and feelings are real and you should let them out...
As for the people that are saying the horrible things about Destiny, don't get bogged down on them...With this being Good Friday, it reminds me of the people that were screaming insults at Christ...His focused never changed, and your's shouldn't either...At the end of the day, you must know that you loved and cared for your friend...Never, never, never stop loving people just because they are people...Never, never, never let other people influence your beliefs in our God that loves you, and loves Destiny....
I love you...
daddy chill
oh yeah, one more thing...John 16:33..read it...live it..
daddy chill
Laine,
Unfortunately I can say that I know EXACTLY how you feel right now. Your heart grieves for your friend and for yourself. That is a loss that sometimes time doesn't heal. I am sure that the cruelty that the other students displayed toward Destiny and toward her death no doubt made you want to shake, slap, cuss and be every bit as angry as you are and deserve to be. But there is one thing to remember, their cruelty may have had a bit part in this, but it isn't the whole reason for her desperation. There is a larger picture to look at, that no one besides Destiny could see.
I lost my best friend in the WHOLE world to suicide. It was a complete and utter shock and it has been 7 years now and the wounds are still just as fresh now as they were then. The hurt and horror you are feeling is something that will never go away. It does eventually get better but it never subsides completely.
Know that I am here for you when you need someone, someone who understands what it is like to lose a friend to suicide. I am here for you and will be praying for you, Destiny and her family.
Nicole
Laine, I am so sorry about Destiny. I had a friend commit suicide when I was in college. It is a shock and only natural to wonder if you missed something. It sounds like you were a good friend to her and didn't let rumors affect your feelings toward her.
I believe people, especially young people, don't always understand the power of the words they use. We can use our words to help or to hurt and it sounds like there were many hurtful words said to or about Destiny.
In my experience, people who put down others or say mean things about others do it because they feel bad about themselves and it is an attempt to feel better about themselves by putting someone else down. It's still hard to take, though. I can't imagine not being moved by the thought of someone so young ending their life. They need our prayers.
I will keep you and your friends and Destiny's family in my prayers.
My friend/brother/teammate/roommate/lifelong best friend Chill told me about this post sometime ago. I've just now gotten the courage to read it. You see, I'm a softie. Always have been. Which is really weird for someone that looks and acts like me. But I digress...
Laine - I'm truly sorry for your loss. Going on after this event - well, I can't imagine the pain and suffering you have endured. i know I would have put myself in a place that I never ever thought I would end up. You are a courageous woman.
I sit here and struggle for any piece of advice I can give you - as a man of 40 years...and it is very difficult. The only possible reflection I can give you is this...
I lost both of my parents at a relatively young age. I was in my mid 30's when both of them (2001 and 2003) left this earth for greener pastures. The pain was intolerable. Something I still live with today. But if there is anything I can REALLY take from the experience(s), is how fragile we really are here, and after we pass through the "door" how awesome it must be.
I still feel them both with me from time to time. Guiding me through decisions. Whether to buy 2% or skim. Do I REALLY need that pack of bubble gum? Turn out that light, you're wasting money!
They are and will always be there to talk with when I need an ear. Which feels great. I'm sure Destiny is there for you too. In much the same way. 'Cept the turn out the lights part, of course.
Keep your chin up, sweets! I mean really up! Look into the sky, and know that no matter how sucky life might have been for her some of the time, she's so happy right now. And if you really think about it for a sec, I bet you are too. Deep inside.
Peace! Love! Harmony!
Love through the Chill -
Biffer
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