Come As You Are
Has anyone but me noticed that the church is one of the most judgemental places you can go?
Has anyone noticed that instead of welcoming a late person to church, they are shunned?
Has anyone noticed that instead of accepting people no matter if their hair is green or if they're in a tee shirt and jeans, they're looked down upon because they're not "dressed right"?
Has anyone noticed that churches in general focus on everything but saving and nurturing our members?
We focus on numbers, on dress, on money, on status. Not just social status, but status and rank in the church is very very important to us. How many mission trips you've been on, how many "unknown" chores you do around the church. We even focus on how many people we can save, but don't focus on their hearts to 1) make sure they're really saved and 2) make sure they are nurtured after salvation.
Does anyone realize, the church is the EXACT OPPOSITE of EVERYTHING Jesus wanted it to be. Now, don't get me wrong, there are really amazing God-filled churches out there. But sadly, they are very rare.
My mother and I were talking about this the other day, and she said, "Church should be like an AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meeting. If someone walks in late, they're welcomed warmly, because everyone knows they might not have come."
Jesus said come as you are. And to be the body of Christ, we are to accept people as they are. And further more ENCOURAGE people to be as they are.
Jesus can use people in jeans and tees to reach other people in jeans and tees. Jesus can used green haired people to reach purple haired people. God can use dressed up people to reach people who like to dress up.
Come as you are.
I came to church a few Sundays ago with pink and purple hair, and the comment "Laine needs help" was left on the prayer list. If we are all cloned people 1) our "body" won't work and 2) can you imagine anything more condesending and uninviting to a newcomer to see that the whole church is one huge clique?
We need to get away from our comfort zones of "everyone should be like me" and adventure into the world of Jesus. Invite people to come as they are. Maybe then, our churches would actually be, well, churches.
posted by Laine @ 8:46 AM
11 Comments:
I TOTALLY agree with your post. I have become so turned off by church because of the reasons you listed. I think you should be able to be yourself and dress the way you want to. Church has nothing to do with your outward appearance. I also agree that for the most part Christians can be some of the most judgemental people which turns people off to going to church. I am appalled that someone put you on the prayer list because of your hair! I have even had more than one person tell me that they had to show their W-2 forms to the church before they joined. Now I know the church has to have money, but come on!
That said, there are some great churches out there. I am very proud of Bryan and know that he is preaching for all the right reasons. I have also found a Methodist church here at home that I like. Keep strong and be the person you are. See you soon.
Jennifer
If you showed up in my church with pink hair, I'd ask you first who did you hair and then I'd insist that you sit with me because I could learn a thing or two about being original instead of cookie-cutter from you.
People in churches need to let their hair down, read the Bible and actually *understand* what the Bible says. A fried of mine calls the transformation of the heart the 18 inch miracle...when the knowledge ceases to be knowledge and becomes the heart of the person.
I hope that you have a great vacation!
~D
My humble opinion, being just that an opinion, is that you should come just as you are. Screw what other people think. But at the same time, don't lump in those of us who are not judgemental with those that are. Words like "all" and "everyone" do not pertain to everyone. If you had a bad experience at church, that sucks, but didn't Christ tell us "when slapped upon the cheek, turn and give them the other one?" You are stronger when you don't give up and keep going with pink and purple hair. Forget what they say. Don't fit into the cookie cutter mold, but don't judge those that choose to do so. Which is that I think you were just doing.
Judging others can lead to hurt feelings and otherwise disastrous results. Judging someone because they are different OR because they choose not to be different (be clones) fall into the same category.
I think it is also dangerous to judge a church as a whole by the actions of a few. We are all human and make mistakes. We are ALL works in progress; nobody has it all together.
I have found our church to be pretty accepting as a whole. I have had some incidences where I could have left, but I chose to stay and prove them wrong. I've been made fun of because I came from the North (and that apparently is considered "fair" humor here in the South), BUT I chose to blow it off and show people my heart, and prove to them that their prejudices are not correct where I am concerned. I was told that I couldn't do a certain job in our church because I am a woman -- I admit I was angry when that comment came at me, but I chose to feel sorry for the person who made the comment, that he would truly believe that a woman was unworthy just because she was a woman. What a pity to discount a whole half of the human race that wanted to work on your team!
"Different" scares people. It takes them out of their comfort zones. It is a unique opportunity to show others that the outside doesn't matter. Whether you choose to stand out or whether you choose to be "cookie cutter", it's the inside that counts, and if someone puts too much importance on the outside, we have to be strong and know who we are on the inside.
I think that trying to judge whether someone is "really saved" is not OUR job, but God's. Man is not capable of truly seeing the heart of another man. We see out of our prejudiced human eyes. Just because we are not able to see the fruit in someone's life, does not mean that we are all-seeing and all-knowing. And I am thankful that I am not charged with that monumental responsibility. It is enough for me to look after my own heart, my own quest to deeply know God and his Word.
Laine, I wish our church was perfect, but it is not. I am so sorry that your feelings were hurt and that my boys played a part in that. They have apologized, and I pray that they will be more sensitive in the future. Hurtful things have been said by all involved, and I hope it will make everyone aware that they need to think of others when voicing their opinions. We must remember that we are all God's children and worthy of love.
Barbara
anonymous, did i not say that God can use everyone nomatter how they look? did i not say that it is a GOOD thing that some people dress "out there" and some people dress the same? God can use everyone. come as you are. please actually read my post before responding again.
Barbara, i judged NO ONE in this post. in fact i said that we should accept everyone. who did i judge? if it's the church you mean, i've been there for two years and have a right to have an opinion. if your opinion is different, that's fine with me. i am simply expressing mine because this is my blog page and is the appropriate place to do so.
i also did not say that we should judge if people are really saved or not; that's not our job. i did say (and as the christian church, it is our job) to nurture people in all ways possible so we can be as sure as possible that when they stand before God, he judges them(and in turn us, for helping them in their walk) to have lived good and faithful lives, to their full potential. but most of the time, we don't focus on souls, we focus on numbers. we "save" people, and then leave them to do the rest of their christian journey on their own. and then, how do we know if they will be ready to stand before god when judgement day comes? do you see what i'm saying?
And they don't need to apologize; they are forgiven. but that does not mean that i'm going to return and let them continue this meanness that has stretched back much farther than two sundays ago. i know that some of them are saying that i make fun of them as well, (which if i EVER did i am so truly sorry that words could not express) but if that is the case then by leaving i am solving a problem for them as well as myself. things are better off without me there, and i could not be any happier that i am leaving. chapel hill is just not the correct place for me to worship and walk with God. and as my fellow christians, you should be happy that i am going somewhere that will allow me to grow in Christ.
Response to Laine:
I did read your blog before posting. Quoting you:
"Has anyone noticed that churches in general focus on everything but saving and nurturing our members?"
~Not all churches are like this. There are a few out there, but not all of them focus on "everything but nurturing and saving our members". A lot of those churches that do focus on that, wind up often dismembering and breaking apart, because they didn't focus on Christ and his teachings.
"We need to get away from our comfort zones of "everyone should be like me" and adventure into the world of Jesus."
~There are those of us out there who are in the great adventure with Jesus, but we like the "everyone should be like me" feel. There is comfort in that. I do agree with you that Jesus can use you RIGHT where you are (difference and all).
But I refuse to believe that "everyone" who comes to church late is shunned. I am late to church on a regular basis and have never been turned away for that, or looked down upon for it. That is what I was asking you to revise, because not EVERYONE is shunned for certain reasons that only you seem to see or have happened to you. I have personally had friends, unlike me, attend my small church with stretched lobes, facial tattoos and a bull ring through his nose and not one person acted any differently toward him than they did toward me, but when my aunt, who is a "cookie cutter" came to the same church a week later, no one would speak to her and infact was looked at strangely by the preacher's wife. You get back what you put out. So if you closet yourself from everyone, then that is what they will do to you.
Choose words wisely. There are hard and harsh feelings when it comes to church and worship and when it seems that someone is attacking what they find sacred. Church is different for everyone. Not one experience is or ever will be the same.
Laine,
WOW...there has been some hard words posted in this blog and response page. I just want to chime in and say that I hope that where ever you choose to worship, you find a better experience than you did at Chapel Hill. But don't turn on those who care about you at Chapel Hill. Closing doors on everyone at the church isn't going to "fix" the problem.
Am I happy you are leaving? No I am not, but when you aren't growing some place, you should fix it through prayer and Godly guidance. If the Lord is leading you away from Chapel Hill, then I am no one to argue with that. Good luck in what ever avenue the Lord leads you.
Nicole
Laine,
When I was talking about judging salvation, this is the part I was referring to: "We even focus on how many people we can save, but don't focus on their hearts to 1) make sure they're really saved and 2) make sure they are nurtured after salvation."
How do we make sure they are "really saved"? I would be afraid to try and judge that for myself. I know you can look at the fruit coming out of their lives, but, what about the fruit we can't see or don't know about? I really want to understand this point because I've heard others say this too. I don't think we abandon people after they are saved; I think they have plenty of opportunity to attend classes, have accountability partners, ask your dad questions, attend book studies, go on mission trips, help out with the Helping Hands pantry, etc. The frustrating part is that so many people don't involve themselves in these opportunities. BUT, I must be careful in judging them because I don't know what they do in their own homes on their own time. I don't know what sick people they visit, whose meals they help provide, etc. I guess that's what I was saying, that I'm glad God is the one that will be doing the judging. Maybe our responsibility is just to make sure the opportunities for spiritual growth are available to people. So, I guess I totally agree with your Point #2, but feel very uneasy about Point #1.
When you say you don't judge people, I guess I'm confusing judgment with opinion. This is where I felt you in turn were judging us: " . . . the whole church is one huge clique . . . . We need to get away from our comfort zones of "everyone should be like me". I feel that people are comfortable with being with others just like them. Is that wrong? No, I don't think so. I think it's human nature. Is it wrong to disqualify someone's opinions or feelings based on their appearance? NO. Speaking as a 44 y. o., I have learned that how someone looks is their own business. I have the maturity to understand that pink hair is okay if that's what you want. Some old-school people have problems with shorts in church. Who cares????? Jeans -- who cares? As long as you are there to worship Jesus, that's what really matters. Jesus looks at the heart.
And, I am sad that Chapel Hill is not the right fit for you. But, I completely understand. On my first visit at Trinity (early service on a Sunday morning), I was not spoken to and people looked at me trying to figure out who my husband and I were. It was very uncomfortable for us. When I first went to Chapel Hill during their contemporary services, I was welcomed with open arms. I could wear whatever I wanted -- shorts, jeans, whatever. I really enjoyed that freedom. I admit I have trouble with the more formal Sunday service, but I have developed some very strong friendships that make it worthwhile to keep coming. I've decided that I can worship God in whatever style of worship. Do I prefer a contemporary service? You bet. I absolutely love the presence of the Spirit I've felt at Trinity's Sunday Night Live. It's the type of service that I prefer.
Unfortunately, our church wasn't the right fit for you. You should go wherever you feel the Holy Spirit moving. I am happy that you are going somewhere you can grow, I'm just sorry you had such an awful experience at our church. I hurt because your feelings were hurt. I hurt because my boys were involved. I pray that you will be able to worship again in a way that will allow you to grow spiritually.
Barbara
Laine I know you are gurt by what was wrote on the prayer list. Who wouldnt be? But I don't think you should let that keep you from comming to church. Everybody will have somebody who dosen't like the or who will judge them. There are still people who care about you at Chapel Hill. I really wish you would come back just go to youth on a Wednesday. From what I've heard they have been talked to about the power of their words and they also want you to come back.
Anonymous
if it was only this one incidence that had happened, i wouldn't be leaving. i have had several nasty remarks from several individuals since i have been at chapel hill. there have been a select few who have been very supportive of me though. and i appreciate them greatly. however, when i am at church i am brought down, instead of lifted up. not only because of these remarks, but also because of the feel of indifference and non-urgency there. i need to be in a church where i am able to have plenty of opportunities to be productive for God and to do so in a way that caters to my God-given talents. Chapel Hill is simply not a church that meets those needs for me. It may meet those needs for others, and that's wonderful. But I need to know that I am where I can be most productive for God.
Also, if they really want me to come back, they could at least show that by an apology, or maybe by even inviting me back. I'm just saying, none of the boys have even spoken to me since that happened.
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